Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
