Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
