Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How does one acquire holy water?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
