So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
