so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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