I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
