I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
