This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
