Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
