i was rollin on her like bob the builder
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
