Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
