I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
