Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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