It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
