Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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