What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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