Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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