suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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