My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
