guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
