You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
