Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
