I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
