if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you had me at cake vodka
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
