I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
