these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
