I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
