plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
