i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
