this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
