yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
