Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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