this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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