Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
