I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
