We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
