i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
