RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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