I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
