Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
