Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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