Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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