it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
3pm strippers are depressing
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
