haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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