ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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