Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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