When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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