Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
