Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
