I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
