i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
