i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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