no, he came in my armpit
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
