you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
