i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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